urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:blackenigma There is no rest for the wicked Ian Cameron 2004-09-21T07:00:57Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:blackenigma:1452 2004-09-21T06:59:30Z 2004-09-21T07:00:57Z Okay, I cant sleep I tryed. I cant get the following thoughts off my mind.<br /><br />"I am only holding on to him because he was my first boyfriend and he has been a good friend, the only guy I have ever been close to and living without him just seems weird to me."<br /><br />I wish she could have told me this. Maybe she felt she couldnt. And I know I know ive hurt her in many ways and I apologize for not being perfect. But I hope she honestly thought I would never see this. Because now that I have I feel like I have been cut. Thank you for allowing me to read the truth about the way you feel towards me.<br /><br />I miss the man I was. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:blackenigma:1195 2004-09-21T06:25:01Z 2004-09-21T06:38:11Z Ok so Im now about half way through the movie. I cant finish it. Everytime I stop for a second to think while watching the movie I cry, and think about her. I only wish it wasnt to late and I hadnt messed up so many times. For once I wish I wouldnt mess everything up. I cant finish this movie. Im going to sleep now. Sleep something that doesnt come easy. Darkness and Fatigue please wrap me in your sweet arms and squeeze I wish no longer to be awake and think of her. Although I know sh'll haunt my dreams, maybe there I wont be a screw up. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:blackenigma:754 2004-09-21T05:50:30Z 2004-09-21T05:50:30Z An adaptation of the novel by Nicholas Sparks. Nicholas Sparks is a great author who had another one of his books adapted to movie. A great move starring Mandy Moore called "A walk to remember". I have just started reading this book. However The notebook is another film that made me cry. I hate the way these movies make me feel. I end up with some deep feelings that I can express to no one. I wish I knew better ways to communicate my real feelings. Even my aunt who I care for so deeply that it pains my own heart to see her dying I have problems communicating with. I can maintain no relationship with anyone, because I cant communicate with them. I wish I could. I love. But I dont do it deeply enough perhaps. Someone teach me to love like characters of Books and Movies. Life needs to be easier, like the films and books. I ramble to much. Live journal may be unhealthy for me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:blackenigma:310 2004-09-21T04:33:24Z 2004-09-21T04:33:24Z its all a disaster. i hope to live for no longer then required to accomplish the goals god has for planned for me that I am not yet aware of. I do not look forward to this life. perhaps the next will be better.